Christmas Without Them

This was the first Christmas without my parents. When one is gone...it is hard, really hard, but when the second one passes it is worse. When one goes, you still have your other parent which seems to keep the memory of the first one alive. Part of them is still with you. When they are both gone, you tend to mourn the first one all over again. It is difficult. Even though I am 41 with my own family, I can't help feeling like an orphan. I think the enemy likes to put those thoughts in your mind. He want us to feel sorry for ourselves. When I get those thoughts, I try to remind myself that I am NOT an orphan. I had parents for a long time and now that they are gone, I still have a Father...my heavenly Father. When you have a relationship with God, it is a bit easier to think this way and it brings comfort. I feel bad for those who don't have that comfort or hope. I can't imagine how much more painful it is. What are the chances that both of my parents would get cancer and just a few years apart at such young ages? I can sit and feel sorry for myself, but I choose not too. Choose...choice...that is the key word. I had to make that choice. There are worse scenarios. I hear of little children who lose their parents at a young age, or those who were orphans from the start.  Or what about those kids who leave their parents because they have childhood cancer or something. I can't even imagine how painful that must be!  I had my father for 37 years and my mom 40+. Who am I to complain? We all have our issues and tragedies to overcome. I look at my friends...some have MAJOR financial issues that they just can't seem to get ahead. Some of my friends have marital issues and are hanging on by a thread or have thrown in the towel. Some of my friends have major addictions. My family has had our fair share of health issues. From my parents, to my daughter's health issues...it seems to never end. I have been dealing with some health issues myself. We all have stuff. I can choose to let it define me or depress me or I can choose to move forward with a positive attitude. Sometimes ( I know it sounds crazy), but I yell to the sky... "Ok.bring it!! What more can you do to me?? I am still here and still happy!" Yes, I have my moments...BELIEVE ME. I sometimes wonder if my positive perseverance is due to my personality, or my relationship with God, or my awesome support system of family and friends or all of that combined. This Christmas was hard. My mom and dad loved Christmas. My mom loved giving gifts year round. My father, loved playing with our toys or the grandkid's toys. My dad loved keeping Santa real and he would do creative things to make Santa real to us. I missed seeing them on Christmas, or just hearing their voices on the phone or getting a card or present in the mail from my mom. I tried not to allow myself to focus on what I missed. A thought that made me happy was thinking about what my parents might be experiencing. I believe they are in Heaven and if that is the case, their Christmas celebration must have been AMAZING! They got to see the man who was the baby we all celebrate. They are able to touch him, hug him, talk to him, and worship him with all five senses. That would pale in comparison to our Christmas celebration here for sure! Those thoughts make me happy and keep me going during a time of year where lose is so evident when you have experienced it. 

 " He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4